The Audacity of Permanency and Its Costs – Tangible and Intangible

By June Bond, BS, M.Ed.

I have been an adoption counselor of over 32 years. Most days I love my job, but recently, I have been bombarded with the view that permanency is not the goal that we have for our children in foster care. As I explain to most laymen, adoption is a process that tries to make the best thing happen for: (1) children who are in need for a family to love and guide them and (2) for a family that has love and patience to give. Bottom line… there is an ocean of children who need a forever home and a pool of families that are willing to open their home to the ocean of children. Needless to say, it is my goal and hope that waiting children can find “forever homes” where they can live, grow, and mature into responsible adulthood. Of course, I fully admit there can be group homes and foster homes where they can reach the same goal of growing up in a loving setting. The difference is the elusive goal of permanency….that place and family where we can all come back to… the place where we can come to celebrate holidays, to lick our personal wounds, to mourn the loss of other family members, to get help with our own children, and to feel safe and secure, even if we now have graying hair and an ever expanding girth.

Earlier this month, I was in an inter-state adoption selection staffing for four children ranging in age from 8 to 13. I was presenting a family that was willing to adopt all four siblings, who had significant behavioral issues. The caseworker at the group home was adamant with me, the prospective adoptive mother, and the other caseworkers that this adoption was doomed to fail. “After all, these children do not want to be adopted. They are just fine where they are and do not need to be disrupted.” I inquired if she would walk them down the aisle and go into the labor room with them when needed? She affirmed to me that she would be there for them. While I am very much impressed with her sense of loyalty to her job, I am dismayed that she does not seem to understand that her lack of focus on permanency can doom a potential adoptive home for these four siblings. Jobs come and go…. This is the only childhood that these four children will get. There are no “do overs” for childhood’s lost dreams. Then there is the mantra of some that state, “the children do not want to be adopted”… And…may I add, the operative word here is CHILDREN… we should not allow children to give up their chances for adoption by simply saying… “OK… if you do not want to be adopted… you do not have to be adopted. End of story!” I am the mother of six children (thankfully now all grown up) and a budding grandmother of four…. My children did not want a lot of things… however that is why God gives children parents and/or surrogate parents to make responsible decisions.

A few days after that conversation, I was called by a client that recently adopted an infant. She told me that she saw the local news report that the twin brothers of her child (all full siblings to each other) were taken into protective custody for some very significant abuse issues. These issues were severe enough that reunification would not be attempted. She and her husband wanted to come forward as alternative caregivers, with an eye on adoption when the birth parents’ rights were terminated. After six weeks, 18 unanswered calls and 12 unanswered emails I intervened on the family’s behalf while I was at DSS for my monthly Foster Care Review Board meeting. I politely said, “As the chairman of the Foster Care Review Board for my county, it is our goal to review cases and make certain that no child is left in foster care any longer than absolutely necessary. You say that you do not have enough foster care beds…. You say that you are over worked and underpaid… You say that there are fewer funds this year with more children in the foster care system —- So using this home studied family as a non-paid resource takes care of these three concerns. Consequently, the children were placed with the family the next day. Later that day in the Foster Care Review Board meeting, I asked about the adoptive possibilities for a sibling group of three. The caseworker stated that she had one interested family. The caseworker then retorted… “They are ok, but this is MY FAVORITE set of children. I am looking for that perfect family for this set of children.” Before I could stifle my mouth, I blurted out…. “Too bad that there are only seven perfect families in the United States and none of them have any vacancies.” Folks, there are no prefect families and no perfect children. Keeping children out of permanent homes waiting on the perfect family is again wasting their precious childhood. Far too often, the prefect family and perfect match syndrome wins over the audacity of permanence.

The lack of permanence is a huge personal cost to a child that is in foster care. After the child has already suffered abuse and neglect from their birth family, causing PTSD, the psychological effects continue, no matter how wonderful the foster family is. Removal from their birth family is often enormously painful to children. In foster care, children may have frequent visits with their families or only limited, supervised visits. Children in foster care leave behind their neighborhoods, communities, schools, and most of their belongings. Many children and adolescents in foster care feel anxious, uncertain, and helpless to control their lives. Many feel angry, rejected, and pained by the separation or they develop a profound sense of loss. Some feel guilty, believing that they caused the disruption of their birth family. Many of the older children in a sibling group become parentified — giving up their childhood to become the parent and protector of their younger siblings. In addition, peers often tease children about being in foster care, reinforcing perceptions that they are somehow different or unworthy. Children in foster care have more chronic illnesses and behavioral, emotional, and developmental problems than do other children. One of the overlooked factors in a foster child’s life is the educational impact of being in foster care. Studies indicate that less than 50% of the children in foster care will graduate from high school on time. Many foster children will drop out of the foster care system as soon as the 18 th birthday cake appears. The impact of constant moving and changing schools, combined with the emotional impact of abuse take a huge toll on a child’s ability to learn. It is not uncommon for a child to move several times in a school year, causing a loss of learning time and needed skills to be successful in school. Enrollment delays, transfer issues, loss of seat time, excessive absences, and gaps between different schools’ schedules combine to make academic success very difficult.

While I see the emotional costs to the child, as advocates for the child, we must make certain that the public understands that the lack of permanency is costly to our society in lost human potential and tax payer dollars to care for children that have aged out of the system with no place to go. Adults that age out of the foster care system, are less likely to complete the requirements for a high school diploma, thus limiting job opportunities and continuing the cycle of poverty and government assistance. In addition, adults who age out of foster care are at significant risk of homelessness, domestic violence, unplanned pregnancy, and mental illness. A sobering fact is that many adults who age out of the foster care are also at significant risk of remaining on some type of public assistance for the rest of their lives either in the mental health area, judicial system, or welfare system. Needless to say, the lack of permanency for a child costs our society as a whole.

It is worth repeating that a permanent forever family is — that place and family where we can all come back to… the place where we can come to celebrate holidays, to lick our personal wounds, to mourn the loss of other family members, to get help with our own children, and to feel safe and secure. It is a child’s right to expect permanency, where they can grow into adulthood with safety and security. As child advocates, caseworkers, citizens, and foster parents, we must bring the case for permanency to the public, to the judges, and to the lawmakers!